Sunday, 27 March 2011

So Tired of All This

I am so tired of waiting and dreaming and wishing for things. I know it tests my patience, but I also feel like such a loser. I wish for guy friends that actually care about me, but I only have a small number of male acquaintances who aren't really interested in getting to know me. I feel strange in approaching guys, and I wonder why. I'm always wishing for friends so I won't feel so lonely, which is how I feel most of the time. I can't even find a freaking roommate for next year. I'm so freaking desperate that I disgust myself. But what can I do? Be more outgoing and social, right. That's so hard, and I try but I am so self-conscious and I don't know what to say to keep up a conversation that I start beating a dead horse and people stop talking to me because of it. It sucks and I don't know how to change it. Can it even be helped? Or am i curare wit tris forever? Waiting for love and life to begin, wishing for the ability to make good friends wherever I go, dreaming for a better tomorrow. I'm tired of it all, but I don't know what to do.
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3 comments:

  1. Alethea3 April 2011 at 17:16

    So because the world is random and wonderful, I found your blog while googling the Michelle Boisseau poem, Self-Pity's Closet, that you had posted awhile ago. Imagine my surprise when I found that your blog relates to my life in multiple ways.
    Believe me when I say been there done that, still there and doing that. People/socializing can be so annoying...

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  2. Emily11 April 2011 at 18:35

    I'm glad you understand. We're not alone!

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  3. Unknown21 September 2012 at 16:23

    Just like the girl that comment first I was looking for a Michelle Boisseau poem when i came across your blog.Once i read this i was like. "story of my life", I wish i was more social also.

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