Lovely.

I love them all so much. Well, the order they're in is the order I love them, from most at the top to least on the bottom. Ah.

Élévation

Above the valleys and above the meres,
over woods and mountains, clouds and ocean, past
the sun, the depths of ether, and the vast
utmost boundaries of the starry spheres,

my spirit, you are nimble in your flight,
like a good swimmer blissful in the billow;
gaily through the profound void you furrow
with an ineffable and male delight.

Fly far away from these unhealthful vapors,
go purify yourself in loftier air,
drinking, like a pure and heavenly liquor,
the limpid space that brims with shining fire.

Beyond the boredoms, the immense chagrins
which weight our foggy lives with their dark burden,
happy is he who can with vigorous wings
win to the serene and radiant gardens;

happy the man whose thoughts, like blithe larks flying
in the skies of morning, freely use their powers
—who, hovering over life, knows without trying
the tongues of silent things and of the flowers.

-Charles Baudelaire

People know what's up.

HARRY POTTER and the Deathly Hallows

Trevor?


I love the trio now. This movie made me love them so much more.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS (part 1)
Must I say more? It was amazing, magnificent, splendid, wonderful, exciting, SO exciting, and so, so awesome. I want to see it again! And I have developed a bit of an infatuation with Ronald Weasley now! He's just so...adorable in this film!!! I was paying attention to the camerawork too (thanks, film class) and it was also magnificent. I loved all the cuts. And if I'm ever in a situation where I'm on the run (like I ever will be) I'd totally want a friend like Hermione Granger. Oh my gosh. Who doesn't want to marry Emma Watson? Anyone?

And the Deathly Hallows; coolest symbol ever! I got it on my hand now :D If I ever got a tattoo I think that's the symbol I'd get. HARRY POTTER!!! Oh man. My love didn't get too much screen time (he really only said one line too) but it's okay. He'll have a somewhat bigger part in the next one (8 months! My goodness!). But he's taking the backseat to Ronald Weasley. Ahhhh! I just want to say BE MY FRIEND! LIKE ME!!!! LOOK AT MEE!!! I'm becoming one of those fan girls. I must stop! Ah! I'm never going to get married. These kinds of boys just ruin it for me! Either perfect onscreen or perfect off. I don't know, I hate celebrities. They ruin real guys for me!

But yes, I'm going to see Harry Potter again when I get back. Who cares if I have to pay 11 bucks to see it? I'm going to watch it again!!! I'm such a Potter nerd! I was seriously thinking about getting the Slytherin locket, but after that movie I was like, uh, no way haha. I like what my friend said about this series too. My generation/age group grew up with the HP books and movies, and as we grew and matured, the movies are maturing as well. Let me tell you, there was some romance and some nudity in this movie. Kind of gross. And also, I don't think I can really write about killing people anymore. I can't even imagine war, and I never want to. I feel like death is such a...I don't know, it seems so tragic, especially when you're killed. It makes me sad. Watching it onscreen made me cringe. There was a lot of death and blood.

But man, what a bloody good movie! I felt like talking in a British accent all day today. I'm not even joking when I say I want to live in England for a few years. I guess I should probably go visit first, but you know. I'm definitely going to go to England in a span of three years. That's the limit I'm giving myself. Either study abroad, or if that doesn't work out (my goodness, I pray that it does!) for sure I'm going to go on my own time. But I really don't just want to visit, I want to live there! I just love cultural differences so much! I love it! I don't know how to explain myself in words. Knowing that there are other cultures that didn't grow up the same way I did is just so interesting to me! Especially European cultures. Well, anyway, Harry Potter! Good movie! Wooh!

Self-Reflection

I had a little self-reflexive moment today after watching Fight Club. The narrator had two personalities, and it reminded me a little of me. Some days I can’t stand myself. I just want to beat myself up, beat in a little less common sense and a little more daring. I seek adventure, but I don’t want it. I want to live dangerously, but I don’t want to get hurt. I want to live at the edge of a cliff, but I want a secure feeling that I won’t fall off. I want to drive fast through the night with the assurance I won’t crash. I play with fire, but I don’t want to get burned. Who am I? That’s the question. What do I want? I have an answer. I want to live on the edge, dabble in sin, leave my fears and inhibitions behind. I want to be irresponsible for once, I want to leap into nothingness and hope something catches me. I want to fly like an eagle, even if I may fall like a stone. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to change. Maybe I should say my life sucks, because it smells of old books and rotting vegetables. It sounds like a ticking watch going and going and going and me not doing anything about it. It smells like stagnation. I want to taste the salt of the earth, smell the fresh air as I fly through it, let go of everything and just…fly. So I lied. I know what I want. I want a dabble here, a dabble there, but I don’t want to commit. But what is life without a commitment to anything? It’s empty. That’s what it is. An empty life. The smell of old books, of rotting vegetables. The smell of stagnation. I want to live, but how to live? I can die tomorrow, heck, I could die right now, and what would my last regret be? I wish I had lived. I wish I had jumped off that plane when I had the chance, I wish I had taken that cigarette when I could have, I wish I had been a troublemaker. But for what? What will it matter in the end? What will it matter if I live on the edge, or if I live as a hermit? Either way, all that will be left of me will be a memory. And that memory will soon fade too. So I’m falling, I’m dying, and through this self-reflexive exercise I’ve learned nothing. I am a hesitant, thrill-seeking, want-to-be lover of life, but I don’t take the chances I’m offered. I don’t take the adventures I want to have. I stay in my room, typing crap like this up and think to myself, I want an adventure. I wish I could have an adventure. I can blame the entire world in detail for my hesitance and my inability to grab these opportunities. But it only lands on the shoulders of one person; me. Me, myself, and I have the choice to grab opportunities, and if I don’t grab them, it’s my fault. It’s only going to be my fault and my fault alone.

Winter Winds

As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
-Mumford and Sons

The Funnies

Confused.

If there was but a word to describe
My feelings, it would be confused;
Befuddled, troubled, mystified;
I don’t know what to think or do.
I think I like you,
I take that back;
I think I love you;
Too weak for that.
I don’t know how to deal
With how you act with me.
How can you look like that
And not share my feelings?

You’ve always confused me,
Always, from the start.
You looked at me with
A look in your eyes,
And I looked back
But you never tried
To talk to me and
You were cruel at first
Which confused me even more.
And I still don’t know
How you are.
I hated you, then liked you,
Attraction is so difficult.
I want to know what you
Have to say. But I know
You’re just too firm for confessions.
No sign of weakness
On your strange face
Is evident for me to
Turn around in my head over
And over again.

I’m confused,
Befuddled, puzzled, mistaken.
I’m overanalyzing everything
We’ve ever said and done.
How can I describe this
Confusion within me?
It’s too much for words and
I can not deal with it
Anymore.

So here is the question;
Do you love me or do you not?
I just need an answer
To cease all this
Confusion.

Self-Pity's Closet

Depression, loneliness, anger, shame, envy,
appetite without hunger, unquenchable
thirst, secret open wounds, long parades
of punishments, resentment honed and glinting
in the sun, the wind driving a few leaves,
an empty bird call, the grass bent down, far off
a dog barking and barking, the skin sticky,
the crotch itchy, the tongue stinking, the eyes,
words thrust from the mouth like bottles off a bridge,
tangy molasses of disgust, dank memory
of backs, of eyebrows raised and cool expressions
after your vast and painful declarations,
subtle humiliations creeping up
like the smell of wet upholstery, dial tone
in the brain, the conviction that your friends
never really loved you, the certitude
you deserved no better, never have, stains
in the carpet, the faucet drilling the sink,
the nights raining spears of stars, the days bland
and blank as newspapers eaten slowly
in the bathtub, the clock, the piano,
heavy impatient books, slippery pens,
the radio, a bug bouncing against
the window: go away, make it all go away.
-Michelle Boisseu