The Best and Shortest Conversation Ever.

Him: Can't sleep, anyone else awake when they should be asleep? I'm quite chatty considering its 6am!

Me: It's 2 am here and I can't sleep either. Thank goodness tomorrow's a weekend!

Him: love that its the weekend too!

It's ironic that we had this "conversation" on a social networking site I had sworn off (till I found out he had one, of course. Then I couldn't help myself). Made my WEEK, and will make my week every time I read it!

♥

So Tired of All This

I am so tired of waiting and dreaming and wishing for things. I know it tests my patience, but I also feel like such a loser. I wish for guy friends that actually care about me, but I only have a small number of male acquaintances who aren't really interested in getting to know me. I feel strange in approaching guys, and I wonder why. I'm always wishing for friends so I won't feel so lonely, which is how I feel most of the time. I can't even find a freaking roommate for next year. I'm so freaking desperate that I disgust myself. But what can I do? Be more outgoing and social, right. That's so hard, and I try but I am so self-conscious and I don't know what to say to keep up a conversation that I start beating a dead horse and people stop talking to me because of it. It sucks and I don't know how to change it. Can it even be helped? Or am i curare wit tris forever? Waiting for love and life to begin, wishing for the ability to make good friends wherever I go, dreaming for a better tomorrow. I'm tired of it all, but I don't know what to do.

In Love...With the Unattainable.

I love you so much, you make me cry.
Just kidding. I can't cry.
I don't even know what I'd do
If I met you
But I wish it anyway! And just so you know:
I love you.
Did I say that already?

Spring is Here!

Spring break = too short.

Nice to be back? I guess.

Time to do work? Don't even talk to me about that yet. I still have two more days of "slacking off" though I'm getting too anxious to even pretend to procrastinate.

Oh, California. How far away you are! But now it's time for some Modern Family. Homework is for tomorrow. Better get out of this habit fast!

No spring fever yet, please!

Demi Lovato in REHAB?!

Come on, Disneyl. I know you guys pressure your Disney channel actors a lot, but not this badly! Physical and emotional reasons for rehab? Come on. And seriously, aren't you guys pretty good at hiding this stuff? I mean, look at all the things that "don't happen" at the "happiest place on earth!" :)

The Tunnel in Between Life and Death

Here's my little attempt at an acrostic poem. It's rather fun to write, I think.

The footsteps I take in the tunnel are quiet. I see
light as it grows brighter with each step I take. There
is the sound of my footsteps reverberating on the street,
gone before my ears can register the sound. There in the distance is
forever, the eternity that awaits me after my death.

Are You Real?

Isn't it strange where you stay away so long that your memories seem like your own imagination? You begin to think, did I really meet those people? Did those conversations really happen? There's no proof, no evidence of this. There are the phone calls, but you can't listen to those again. And anyway, you have a new phone now. People become a part of your past, and you forget they exist when they are out of sight. Then you remember for a brief second during a phone conversation, or while watching a movie, or laying in bed thinking, and longing overwhelms you. Longing to see those faces of your past again, faces that you know were solid and familiar and so real. But then the moment passes, and you're left with your failing memories again, questioning yourself to the heavens and back. Did that really happen? Did we really speak? Did we really know each other the way we thought?

Memories are just a figment that can be toyed with until they are no longer memories, but figments of one's imagination.

Animosity? Or Some Bad Wiring?

I have decided today that I'm going to lay off on "having crushes" and "searching for my future boyfriend/husband" like so many girls I know do. Men annoy me because of their stupidity when it comes to relationships and lack of maturity and responsibility, and women are way too complicated. And, well, I'm very much straight. I'm just going to be focusing on my career, my studies, and stay like this: an inexperienced girl in relationships, and I'm fine with that. I've started to create this animosity towards males for some reason. I mean, I love them in general, don't get me wrong, but the guys I've met are just...not great. I can't find it in myself to respect the ones I know, and the ones I don't know are just that; strangers. And I feel so much more comfortable with women than I do men.

Call me crazy, or psychotic, but it's just the way I've been wired. Maybe I had a bad experience with them or something, I don't know. All I know is that they've disappointed me way too many times and hurt me by their insensitivity and disinterest in whatever I say or do. I have found at least two who aren't totally (but are a little) all of the above, but still. I can't remember a time I hadn't had a crush on a guy, till now that is, and I just keep remembering how needy I was, needy for male attention (ugh).

Friends are what I need. Relationships are just too much of a hassle, too much unwanted drama. I'm sure some people would tell me I need to experience it at least once in my life, but we'll see. At this moment, I've realized how much I've missed. I wasted so much time fawning over boys and crushes and the like. Being single is just something that must be embraced, and with it comes a whole door to new opportunities. After all, with all this complaining and animosity, isn't it pretty obvious I'm not ready to commit myself to that kind of relationship? I thought I was in the past, but really, I'm kind of flighty. :)

My Swan Song for the Term

Today, my classes technically ended. No more poetry workshops, no more French till next term (except for the final...), and no more math (that I can be happy about), but my other classes were wonderful, and I was sad that they were ending already. But funnily enough (not really) I'm beginning to miss home. Miss all my comforts, my friends, my car, my house, easy access to the stores, my suburbs, my CALIFORNIA!!!

I miss it all. And I really do love it here, it's just...I'm tired. Tired of studying, of classes, of all that jazz. What I really want to do is just sleep all day without having to stress out about papers and deadlines and all that. Without having to memorize another darn poem in French, just relaxing. Gosh, I'm glad my terms are only ten weeks long. I would die if they were longer. How did I ever survive in high school?

Anyway, that's my little rant. Watching Modern Family probably doesn't help. That show even makes me miss my parents, and that's a stretch. Who knows, I may be tired of home by the end of spring break. Right now, though, I'm still a baby. And I'm still acting like one. But hey, what can I say? I'm only a freshie. :)

Isn't She Lovely?