Change.

When I turn away, I leave everything forever. I leave behind my childhood, my friends, life as I know it. My comfort is shattered by change, and I know it'll never be the same again. Though it's inevitable, something I've really been looking forward to as a child, I realize that my home is where I want to stay. I want to keep the friends that I've made, I want to live the life I've lived for the last 18 years. I don't want change to come, and I don't want to deal with a new life. I've always had a difficult time with change. Perhaps change is what helps me move on. It helps me to move on from the dramas I've needed to create in my head, gives me a breath of fresh air in a dusty house I've stayed in all my life.

And that's where I think I want change, but a drastic one. To fall off the face of the earth for awhile is the kind of change that I'd like. To go travel and see new faces without having to deal with the old. I get tired of always having to deal with the drama and the people who make the drama. I'm tired of the same old lifestyle.

Have you ever felt this way? Contradicted? If I ever left, it would always have to be in the heat of the moment, or I'd lose my adrenaline and reason for doing so. I'm sucked back into my comfortable bubble and I'm drugged on the smooth rhythm of the life I've always lived.

Does this mean change is bad? To leave old friends and to see that things will never really be the same between you again? To see time take its toll and break friendships that had been sworn to last forever?

Or is it good? To meet new people and see new faces and experience new experiences? To let go of the old friends that don't last and make new ones to hopefully last longer? It's questions and conflicts like these that roll around in my head. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one...