Because I know I'll be leaving soon, I'm taking in every aspect of life through sentimental eyes. Every time I drive, I think, I'm going to miss going down this road I know so well. And I pass by the old neighborhood I grew up in, the new one I'm currently living in, and I think of all the bad and good memories. I'm trying to make good memories with all my family members now, and they're all talking about how it's going to seem empty without me. It makes me sad. And I'm so afraid of college. I'm going to go visit, and even visiting Knox scares the heck out of me.
Well, I was looking through past things I wrote down, and I reread this thing I wrote about my...friend. We're not really friends anymore, which is why there's the ellipsis, but I wish we were. It makes me really sad that one of my close friends just stopped being my friend. I don't blame them, but...it just makes me sad. I don't want to go into detail about it, but yeah. I just wanted to write my feelings down. I don't do that often, I notice haha.
I also noticed that being a jerk is my defense mechanism. If I'm harsh and/or blunt, I don't have to deal with my feelings. Of course, I notice that now, too late, and I've pushed a bunch of people away in my life. Whatever. I'm intuitive when it comes to other people, but not when it comes to myself, haha. Interesting.
College is making me depressed! Nothing is ever going to be the same once I leave. I think I'm going to miss my family and my church the most because they've been consistent all my life. I've known some of those people all my life (I've known my family all my life, of course), and church feels like my family too. Thank goodness for things like facebook, haha.
Well, are you thoroughly depressed? I'm actually not, after writing all this down. Anyway, I hope I don't ever lose any of my close friends again. It just...makes me sad.
Happy thoughts!
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